holiday recovery guide

The time period between Thanksgiving and New Year’s in the year 2018 marked the beginning of my rock bottom. The holidays have always been tricky for me, particularly in the 10 years leading up to this one, as I continuously toggled my underlying desire for family and intimacy with my search for contentment in career/excess. This annual time of prescribed gratitude and joy, can bring a terrible sense of dread and emptiness for many. I have always been one of them. Even after sobriety, this was still a very challenging time to navigate. No matter where you are in your recovery, it is an important time to ensure you are taking care of yourself.

Holiday Triggers

My first sober Thanksgiving in 2019 was definitely the closest I have come to relapse. I was six months into recovery, but had relocated and was focused on rebuilding my life. I returned home for the holidays and a series of triggering events put me right back in the danger zone. Luckily, I made it through, but not without the reality check of how important it was that I keep my recovery front of mind.

Here are a few things I underestimated:

the hauntings of the ghosts from my past that I was not fully prepared to face

my regressive behaviors that called into question the new identity I was building
the feeling of being “in-between”: not being able to “connect” with the drinkers through alcohol, but not feeling connected to non-drinkers yet either
the navigation of my own expectations around how this massive year of change for me would impact my ability to navigate difficult situations
the other cross-addictive behaviors coming forward like overeating and people-pleasing
the hyper-awareness and negative thought cycles around my own perceived deficits around intimacy and family
the emotional impact the reality confrontation would have on me

Ask The Right Questions

So for the following years, including this one, I approached things differently. I made a conscious effort to spend some time with my journal answering the following questions for myself. One thing I have come to learn with practice is that awareness is the greatest defense that I have. Here are some prompts that you may find useful as well:

What are my conscious expectations going into this holiday? What am I outwardly communicating that I want to have happen?

What is the subconscious story in my head about what a holiday should be? The one that I have built up through years of messaging and expectations?

What am I truly grateful for as I go into this season?

Where are there still resentments I am working to heal?

What were the parts of the holiday that I used to “drink or use” to forget? Which of those are still a part of my reality and how can I be prepared for the emotions that may be triggered?

How can I make sure not to punish myself with what I think I “should” be feeling?

How do I make time and space for what I am actually feeling instead?

What are the areas that I can and should opt out of in order to protect my recovery?

What is my plan? What are my lifelines? Who will I call, where will I go, or what will I do if I need support and community?

“Bibliotherapy” (yep-it’s a thing)

As much as I hate to say it, sometimes we cannot always find the community we need in the exact moments we need them. Sometimes, we have to find tools to self-navigate through a challenge. I like books for this. Here are my holiday friendly “quit lit” recommendations. The reason I say holiday friendly is that the author is not adding to your to-do lists, but simply giving you the opportunity to see yourself in their story. These moments create dopamine and help disrupt our neural pathways.

Holiday Season Recovery Reading

We Are the Luckiest By: Laura McKowen

Dry By: August Burroughs

Tiny Beautiful Things By: Cherly Strayed

Dharma Punx By: Noah Levine

Drinking: A Love Story By: Caroline Knapp

Untamed By: Glennon Doyle

Written By: DeAnn Knighton

About Author

Check out this recent article in psychology today about bibliotherapy - yep it is a thing!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/bibliotherapy

Audible Quit Lit list for women: